:)

i dont miss having a boyfriend..I miss having someone to talk to at night..I miss being able to text someone randomly without having a reason and just to let them know i'm bored and want to talk to them..I miss having someone to look good for..i miss having someone that cared about me enough to text me good morning and good night..i miss finding myself smiling at the most randomest times..i miss the dance dance your heart does when you're about to see the person..i miss kissing someone goodbye..i miss being missed..i dont miss having a boyfriend.. i miss having a companionship..most importantly i miss having you in my life.. :)

why? why? why me?

Do you know what it feels like to be me? to feel what i feel? NO.. you dont.. so why keep acting like you know when the truth is you dont.. dont act like you know me and please stop acting like you care! you are getting into my nerves.. 


why it has to be me? huh? why me? i always think about others before myself and what do i get? heartache and tears.. my heart is breaking into pieces and all i see is you guys the people that i put first before me is having a great time.. oh Fuck, why? 

My Favorito Filipino Quotes.. :)

1.Minsan sa buhay mo di mo alam kung kanino ka maniniwala. Sa mga kaibigan mo na nagsasabing ‘wag na’, sa isip mo na nag-uutos na ‘tama na’, o sa puso mo na bumubulong na… ‘basta mahal mo, sige kaya pa! 


2.The meaning of love is so unexplainable! Can’t be described similarly by everyone. But one thing is for sure.. Love begins with ‘friends lang kami’ and ends with ‘friends na lang kami!


3.sa pag-ibig, may gago at tanga. Gago ka kapag nagmahal ka nang di nya alam. Tanga ka kung di mo alam na may nagmamahal sa yo. Oo, alam kong gago ako.. pero sana..wag kang maging tanga!


4.Alam ko na mahal kita, pero ayaw kong aminin. Di naman sa kinahihiya kita, di rin dahil takot ako. Ang akin lang, di mo na dapat pang malaman pa kung di mo lang rin kayang suklian!


5.ok lang sa akin na di kita nakikita kasi nasa puso naman kita, kaya araw-araw kausap ko ang puso ko. Nagtatawanan kami, nagkukwentuhan, nagkukulitan. Hello!? Obvious ba? Nababaliw ako kapag wala ka!

hmm..

wtf is wrong with me today.. woke up at 3 a.m and i noticed that tears are rolling down my face.. flashback! grrrr.. flashback. i normally will text my ex Bf if  i woke up at 3 a.m because sometimes he also can't sleep.. so both of us will be texting until one of us fall asleep.. aww.. i miss those moments.. dude, can we just turn back time.. i fucking miss that boy.. then while i was looking at his picture,i fell asleep.. the i woke up at 8.30.. bahaha.. bitch ain't going to school today.. bahaha.. die.. die.. die..  i woke up with tears rolling down my face again.. ayayay.. did something bad happen to him? that was the first thing came popping up my mind.. lame.. but yeah.. see.. i still care for him.. TANGA! yan ang sinasabi ng barkada q.. ang layo layo nia eh hnd muh nga alm qng ano ang nangyayari jan taz you still love him.. nakuh! TANGA ka tlga A.J.. yan ang plage sinasabi nila sakin.. ahaha.. minsan nabwibwisit aq sakanila but aww they are sweet you know.. they are my fucking besties..
andami pa nmn boys d2 taz ang dami pa nakakagusto seu taz all you do is IGNORE them.. nakuh.. gaga.. mga gwapo pa mga yan.. bahaha.. yan pa ang sinabi nila sakin.. i can't force my heart to accept boys when my heart is closed.. nobody will understand my feelings for you.. Fuck distance! Y U SO FAR AWAY? lol..

if i was someones girlfriend right now i would

• always cook you a meal when you were hungry.. <--i'm pretty good at cooking..
• always bake you cookies and cakes when you want some..
• play video games with you..
• watch football, baseball, basketball games..
• watch anime and horror action movies..
• have fun with you..
• go shopping with you..
• party till the morning with you..
• pretty much whatever makes my boy happy.. :)

makalimot nga bha?

ako ung taong mdaling makalimut sa mga taong nakakabwisit sakin.. isang araw d nah kita ppancnin..tsk! kya pasyensyahan nah lng qng isa knah s mga tao nah kelangan qng klimutan.. ksalanan muh na un.. ask yourself qng bakit ganun aq? kxe i wont be like that qng hnd dahil sau..bat kxe ang epal muh.. ang bait bait qoh na nga seu taz ganyan? tang ina muh!  

i'm been updating my blog using tagalog.. sorry guys.. tinatamad na tlga aq mag aral.. haha.. since PMR is over, i'm being such a bitch.. i've been absent for days and days.. bahaha.. tamad! peo ang sipag q tlga mag jogging.. hehe.. kahit ang sakit sakit na tlga ang katawan q,i still continue it.. waahhh.. papayat na sana aq.. i'm sure galit na galit c Theresa (mathz teacher q) sakin.. ahahaha.. bwisit yan teacher na yan.. maths ng maths.. STFU.. taz na ang PMR.. and she is still teaching.. stupida tlga.. nobody wanna learn now.. The exam is over BITCH..  La din kxe magawa sa skul qng hnd nakaupo ka lng jan parang tanga.. mag day dreaming.. ayna.. thats what i hate.. day dreaming? maiisip q nanaman ung PAST q.. sauce! drama nanaman.. i guess may basketball na nagaun jan.. nakuh.. nakuh.. bwisit! namiss q tlga ung gabi gabi sneaking out just to watch basketball, watch my crush playing and cheering up for my favorite Barangay->sta.Lucia,san juan, san benito and POBLACION.. <3 ayee.. anjan kxe c crush.. hehe.. bwisit un.. hnd q na xa ma contact.. hnd q na alm qng ano ang nangyari sa CP nia..  papaxok na aq bukas or else ma suspend aq.. aishhh!! kainiz tlga oh.. i hate waking up so early for skul.. imagine waking up at 4.30 a.m.. wohoho.. ang aga.. eeh.. sa aringay mga 6 a.m lang aq magigising.. ayayay.. wla tlga aq sa mood mag aral ngaun.. malapit na kxe holiday eh.. 1 more month to go bebeh!! kakayanin q tlga.. tatapusin q lang tlga 2ng high school q then i'ma pack my bag and leave for college.. i wanna go to AUSTRALIA or SWITZERLAND.. 

drama nanaman A.J ;)

wow wow wee.. :) i am so tired and my whole body is aching.. huhu.. but i know in the end it's gonna be worth it.. i really wanna lose my extre weight.. so, i woke up so late today.. around 11.20.. it's because i slept at 3.30 a.m yesterday.. as soon as woke up, i went to kitchen and prepared lunch.. then we had our lunch at 1.30..
i really love cooking.. cooking makes me feel alive.. bahahaha.. wanna know why? because i'm a good cook.. yeah..i'm bragging out about it.. ;) when jogging again today with Rowena, Joy and Rowena's family.. had fun.. played at the playground.. haha.. it was so fun okay.. oh by the way.i chatted with Grace, my Bestie in Pinas.. my nalaman nanaman aq.. woohohoho.. totoo bha ung mga nakikita ni Grace.. hmm.. i wanna know the truth.. p/s pupunta ata c mummy sa pinas this december but for few days lang.. i can't go coz i might get a part time job so yeah that kinda fucked me up.. ;) but its okay.. i'm gonna earn some money bebeh! ~hee.. gusto q lang tlga malamn qng ano ung nangyayari jan.. ano na ung latest gosip.. haha.. anjan pa ba ung mga crush q? ung mga ganun.. bahaha.. pakialamera tlga aq.. did i mention na naizip q nanaman xa while i was cooking?  i did.. because i remembered na mummy will always scold me when i'm cooking its because while i'm cooking, my hand is also busy texting him.. haha.. he used to be the reason i get scolded from my mummy.. hehe.. naiinis tlga aq pag pinagalitan aq ng dahil lang skanya.. i miss those moments.. i really wanna forget you but how? there's always a thing that keeps me reminding you.. for example,i got the same number in my class and its our monthsary date.. then whenever i reply someone's message, i will remember that you really hate me for taking ages of time to reply your text..your favorite songs is being played wherever i go.. so tell me how to forget you? maybe i should end my life so i wont thinkabout you anymore.. ayna.. drama ka nanaman A.J.. tama na yan.. I've let go of him.. qng babalik xa sakin eh din sakin tlga xa.. pero qng tatagapin q pa xa.. LMFAO..bahaha..

yeabaahh i want..

tattoos.. <3
i really want one.. i know my mum wont allow me to have tattoos.. specially my granny.. if she knows this she'll make a big fuss about it..
wohoho.. who cares? i think i need to wait for 2 more year to get my tattoos.. now i'm 16 so 2 more years to go bebeh.. :P

story of my life.. Part 1.. :)

Apple Jane Rulloda Aleria.. that's my name and i was born on June 29,1994.. Some of you knows my name but not my story.. here it goes.. My mum and my two sisters means the world to me.. They are the reason why i'm still holding on and they inspire me the most..My mum is also my dad.. She is the head of the family since we left our dad.. Do you know what it feels like when your father just dont give a fuck about you? when your father never even ask how are you? ,do you need anything,how was your exam? did anyone hurt you? how was school today? well.. My father never ask me those simple questions. I do hate my father for not being there whenever i need him..  He was not there when i graduated my elementary school..He was not there when i had my first heatbreak.. He was not there on my birthdays.. There's a reason why i hate my father..He is a Jerk.. He works but all his money goes to other woman and not his family.. He would always pick fight with my mum and i would only cry while watching them fight.. I was only 7 when all the bullshit happend..So tell me what can i do back then? Nothing! theres nothing i can do to stand for my mum.. So we took the chance and left him to start a new life in the Philippines..

It was a long journey and i was so exhausted.. a 6 hours journey bus from Sandakan to Kota Kinabalu..Then a flight from Kota Kinabalu to Manila.. Then a journey bus from Manila to Aringay..I lost my my bag and my wallet, CDs, some of my school documents, my favorite blouse and jeans in the Kota Kinabalu Airport.. i was so damn sad on that day..Tita Bebot & Tito Rey fetch us at the aringay bus stop.. then we stayed at Lolo Ruding's house.. i was the first one to hit the bed and fall asleep..Becuse of the noisy noise i had to wake up at 6.00 a.m which is so fucking early for me..so waking up so damn early changed my mood that time.. i was so pissed off and everything doesn't seems right for me.. we had two months time to suit ourselves with the enviroment before school starts.. i was kinda excited when mummy told me that the school is a private school and it is a one whole day school.. bahaha.. i laughed because i thought she was just joking and it turned out to be real.. one whole day man! 

It was okay for the first month.. not bad.. i could adjust myself.. i got a lot of friends to hang out and do stupid stuff.. and then here comes love in the way.. i fell inlove and i did have a heartbreak.. bahaha.. a massive heartbreak dude.. there are few  people that had changed my life.. taught me the lesson of life.. taught me about boys.. taught me about heartbreak.. bahaha.. lame.. but yeah.. i learned okay.. :)  and there some people that left their footprints in my heart.. i could say that 1 year experience changed me alot.. i cried and i laughed.. and there some people that no matter how hard i tried to forget them, it never works and never will.. 

why are you still on my mind? its been a long time and yet you still own my fucking heart..

It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins.

Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it..

I wonder if you ever miss me, wonder if you ever think about the good times we had.. Samara Beach,our secret place to hang out,our great escape,our songs,getting drunk together.All the things that we did..I wonder if you ever miss it? 

About how much I loved you, or thought I did. How I felt everytime you pick a fight with me, like I could feel my heart stopping. The nights I spent crying rather than sleeping, how much you didn’t care, how you treat me now, how you fucked her the day after we broke up, the cuts that you didn’t ever care about,how wrong I was to ever love you? well i never knew what it was like to feel like this;— to get that heavy unwanted feeling in your chest, when you dont want to speak of move. all you want to do is close your eyes,sleep, and think..what the fuck did i do wrong?! where did i fuck up? just close my eyes and sleep becuase the process of beinng broken is incredibly exhausting. for a while i attempted to make my days fulfilling, but no mater how hard i tried i couldnt seem to connect with anyone or anything the way i used too. i jut wanted the pain to stop to  not feel anything at all if it means the aching would stop.

The feelings i had for you were unfathomable, i was unaware i was even feeling them. untill you told me you didnt want me anymore. and thats when it hit me… i loved everything about us, about you, and about how i felt with you. but im going ok now. because ive tried my hardest to move on. althought my thoughts pace back and forth about you and me, i stay strong. i just wish all this pain and feelings would disappear.  how long will it take..? to make it stop. i miss you. alot. i wonder if you do too? i want you to reach out to me, tell me you still want to be friends. because when i lost you i lost my bestfriend tooo. idk. you hurt me. i feel dumb. ugh! 

The sad/sweet thing is, all of the things I talked about are things we did when we were together. Us ending changed me so much as a person, but to be honest, I still compare every boy I meet to him;he’s the only boy I’ve ever loved. I don’t know what about the comparison of you has made me so unsure of relationships but something definitely has.