drama nanaman A.J ;)

wow wow wee.. :) i am so tired and my whole body is aching.. huhu.. but i know in the end it's gonna be worth it.. i really wanna lose my extre weight.. so, i woke up so late today.. around 11.20.. it's because i slept at 3.30 a.m yesterday.. as soon as woke up, i went to kitchen and prepared lunch.. then we had our lunch at 1.30..
i really love cooking.. cooking makes me feel alive.. bahahaha.. wanna know why? because i'm a good cook.. yeah..i'm bragging out about it.. ;) when jogging again today with Rowena, Joy and Rowena's family.. had fun.. played at the playground.. haha.. it was so fun okay.. oh by the way.i chatted with Grace, my Bestie in Pinas.. my nalaman nanaman aq.. woohohoho.. totoo bha ung mga nakikita ni Grace.. hmm.. i wanna know the truth.. p/s pupunta ata c mummy sa pinas this december but for few days lang.. i can't go coz i might get a part time job so yeah that kinda fucked me up.. ;) but its okay.. i'm gonna earn some money bebeh! ~hee.. gusto q lang tlga malamn qng ano ung nangyayari jan.. ano na ung latest gosip.. haha.. anjan pa ba ung mga crush q? ung mga ganun.. bahaha.. pakialamera tlga aq.. did i mention na naizip q nanaman xa while i was cooking?  i did.. because i remembered na mummy will always scold me when i'm cooking its because while i'm cooking, my hand is also busy texting him.. haha.. he used to be the reason i get scolded from my mummy.. hehe.. naiinis tlga aq pag pinagalitan aq ng dahil lang skanya.. i miss those moments.. i really wanna forget you but how? there's always a thing that keeps me reminding you.. for example,i got the same number in my class and its our monthsary date.. then whenever i reply someone's message, i will remember that you really hate me for taking ages of time to reply your text..your favorite songs is being played wherever i go.. so tell me how to forget you? maybe i should end my life so i wont thinkabout you anymore.. ayna.. drama ka nanaman A.J.. tama na yan.. I've let go of him.. qng babalik xa sakin eh din sakin tlga xa.. pero qng tatagapin q pa xa.. LMFAO..bahaha..

yeabaahh i want..

tattoos.. <3
i really want one.. i know my mum wont allow me to have tattoos.. specially my granny.. if she knows this she'll make a big fuss about it..
wohoho.. who cares? i think i need to wait for 2 more year to get my tattoos.. now i'm 16 so 2 more years to go bebeh.. :P

story of my life.. Part 1.. :)

Apple Jane Rulloda Aleria.. that's my name and i was born on June 29,1994.. Some of you knows my name but not my story.. here it goes.. My mum and my two sisters means the world to me.. They are the reason why i'm still holding on and they inspire me the most..My mum is also my dad.. She is the head of the family since we left our dad.. Do you know what it feels like when your father just dont give a fuck about you? when your father never even ask how are you? ,do you need anything,how was your exam? did anyone hurt you? how was school today? well.. My father never ask me those simple questions. I do hate my father for not being there whenever i need him..  He was not there when i graduated my elementary school..He was not there when i had my first heatbreak.. He was not there on my birthdays.. There's a reason why i hate my father..He is a Jerk.. He works but all his money goes to other woman and not his family.. He would always pick fight with my mum and i would only cry while watching them fight.. I was only 7 when all the bullshit happend..So tell me what can i do back then? Nothing! theres nothing i can do to stand for my mum.. So we took the chance and left him to start a new life in the Philippines..

It was a long journey and i was so exhausted.. a 6 hours journey bus from Sandakan to Kota Kinabalu..Then a flight from Kota Kinabalu to Manila.. Then a journey bus from Manila to Aringay..I lost my my bag and my wallet, CDs, some of my school documents, my favorite blouse and jeans in the Kota Kinabalu Airport.. i was so damn sad on that day..Tita Bebot & Tito Rey fetch us at the aringay bus stop.. then we stayed at Lolo Ruding's house.. i was the first one to hit the bed and fall asleep..Becuse of the noisy noise i had to wake up at 6.00 a.m which is so fucking early for me..so waking up so damn early changed my mood that time.. i was so pissed off and everything doesn't seems right for me.. we had two months time to suit ourselves with the enviroment before school starts.. i was kinda excited when mummy told me that the school is a private school and it is a one whole day school.. bahaha.. i laughed because i thought she was just joking and it turned out to be real.. one whole day man! 

It was okay for the first month.. not bad.. i could adjust myself.. i got a lot of friends to hang out and do stupid stuff.. and then here comes love in the way.. i fell inlove and i did have a heartbreak.. bahaha.. a massive heartbreak dude.. there are few  people that had changed my life.. taught me the lesson of life.. taught me about boys.. taught me about heartbreak.. bahaha.. lame.. but yeah.. i learned okay.. :)  and there some people that left their footprints in my heart.. i could say that 1 year experience changed me alot.. i cried and i laughed.. and there some people that no matter how hard i tried to forget them, it never works and never will.. 

why are you still on my mind? its been a long time and yet you still own my fucking heart..

It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins.

Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it..

I wonder if you ever miss me, wonder if you ever think about the good times we had.. Samara Beach,our secret place to hang out,our great escape,our songs,getting drunk together.All the things that we did..I wonder if you ever miss it? 

About how much I loved you, or thought I did. How I felt everytime you pick a fight with me, like I could feel my heart stopping. The nights I spent crying rather than sleeping, how much you didn’t care, how you treat me now, how you fucked her the day after we broke up, the cuts that you didn’t ever care about,how wrong I was to ever love you? well i never knew what it was like to feel like this;— to get that heavy unwanted feeling in your chest, when you dont want to speak of move. all you want to do is close your eyes,sleep, and think..what the fuck did i do wrong?! where did i fuck up? just close my eyes and sleep becuase the process of beinng broken is incredibly exhausting. for a while i attempted to make my days fulfilling, but no mater how hard i tried i couldnt seem to connect with anyone or anything the way i used too. i jut wanted the pain to stop to  not feel anything at all if it means the aching would stop.

The feelings i had for you were unfathomable, i was unaware i was even feeling them. untill you told me you didnt want me anymore. and thats when it hit me… i loved everything about us, about you, and about how i felt with you. but im going ok now. because ive tried my hardest to move on. althought my thoughts pace back and forth about you and me, i stay strong. i just wish all this pain and feelings would disappear.  how long will it take..? to make it stop. i miss you. alot. i wonder if you do too? i want you to reach out to me, tell me you still want to be friends. because when i lost you i lost my bestfriend tooo. idk. you hurt me. i feel dumb. ugh! 

The sad/sweet thing is, all of the things I talked about are things we did when we were together. Us ending changed me so much as a person, but to be honest, I still compare every boy I meet to him;he’s the only boy I’ve ever loved. I don’t know what about the comparison of you has made me so unsure of relationships but something definitely has.